After his history and physical, the doctor sat down with Bob and said “Well, Bob, I have some good news and some bad news.”
Bob said “Give me the good news first, Doc.”
“They’re going to name a disease after you.”
A woman asked the man seated next to her on the airplane what he did for a living.
“I’m a naval surgeon,” the man said.
“Tarnation!” the woman said. “How you doctors specialize these days!”
“Air guitars are not allowed in my operating room. You’re going to have to do it in your head.” (From ORDailyQuotes)
An elderly man has just moved to a new town, when he gets sick and decides to see a doctor.
In the doctor’s waiting room, he tries to find out a bit about the doctor. He asks the man sitting next to him if the doctor is a specialist.
The man answers that the doctor specializes in ‘everything’.
The elderly man thinks about this and gets nervous. He asks the man if the doctor’s fees are expensive.
The man says: “Well, that depends, you see, he charges one thousand dollars cash for your first visit.”
The elderly man looks even more worried now and exclaims in amazement, “A thousand dollars?”
The man replies, “Yes, but all your visits after that for the rest of your life are free!”
While the elderly man is pondering this, he suddenly gets called by the nurse to go in to see the doctor.
On entering the doctor’s office he says casually . . .
. . . “Hello doctor, here I am again!”
Retweet from ORDailyQuotes Microblog: Orthopedic surgeon looking at xrays of a fracture repair: ” Yogi, I think the ranger’s gonna like it.” Original here: http://twitter.com/ORDailyQuote
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
“The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career”.
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
‘Yes, Nurse Tracy ,’ said Mr. Wallace.
‘My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.’
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences .’
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. ‘Mr. Wallace,’ she said, ‘You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.’
‘But, Nurse Tracy I can’t,’ replied Mr. Wallace. ‘I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
‘Yes,’ said Nurse Tracy, ‘you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?’
‘Well,’ he replied …. ‘Today is the viewing.’
A doctor had grim news for his patient: “I’m afraid you have both cancer and Alzheimer’s.”
Patient: “Well, doc, at least I don’t have cancer!”
Highly recommended reading from KevinMD.com on the benefits of humor for both patient and provider here.
From the venerable Musings of a Dinosaur:
First Law: The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature takes its course.
Second Law: It is impossible to make an asymptomatic patient feel better.
Third Law: The urgency of the test is inversely proportional to the IQ of the insurance company preauthorization clerk.
Fourth Law: There is no cure for stupid.
Fifth Law: Bad things really do happen to good people.
Sixth Law: The better the surgeon, the more reluctant s/he is to operate.
Seventh Law:
Part A: It has to be fun.
Part B: If it isn’t fun, see Part A.
Eighth Law: Half of what is taught in medical school is wrong, but no one knows which half.
Ninth Law: Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Tenth Law: A bad idea held by many people for a long time is still a bad idea.
Wade Grindle MD

This website is just what the doctor ordered for what tickles your funnybone! Take two medical cartoons and call me in the morning…