Aerobe: a garment worn around the house
Alimentary: what Sherlock Holmes said to Dr. Watson
Apparent: one who changes diapers
Carpal: someone you drive to work with
Castrate: the going price for setting a fracture
Chiropractor: An Egyptian doctor
Cystogram: A wire sent to your sister
Decapitate: to cancel a contract with an HMO
Denial: where Cleopatra used to swim
Dislocation: Here
Duct: avoided being hit
Elixir: what a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone
Emetic: Italian ambulance driver
Fibula: little white lie
Genotype: the kind of girl Geno likes
Hippocampus: where a hippopotamus gets a degree
Inbred: the best way to eat bologna
Innuendo: where an Italian gastroenterologist puts his proctoscope
Intubate: what a fisherman is
Isodense: what a med student says after taking the national boards
Orifice: a place of business
Paradox: two physicians
Platelet: a saucer
Pleural: more than one
Sacral: holy
Thorax: weapon of a Norse God
Tolerance: the result of ants on growth hormone
Vitamin: what you do when friends stop by to visit
1. Ooops!
2. Someone call the janitor! We’re going to need a mop!
3. We have to hurry, I have a flight to catch.
4. Hi, I’m Bill, are you the new surgeon?
5. That’s cool! Now can you make her leg twitch?
6. Boy, it wasn’t like this in the video!
7. Darn! There go the lights again…
8. Of course this is ethical!
9. You fool! You switched the arms and legs again!
10. Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
11. I can’t find my scalpel… oh well… could I have another one?
12. Good morning, Dr. Kevorkian.
Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
Congenital: Friendly
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester: Quicker
Genital: Non-Jewish
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labor pain: Hurt at work
Morbid: Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheeper than day
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: Person fainted
Post op: Letter Carrier
Recovery Room: Place to upholster
Rectum: Dang near Killed Him
Secretion: Hiding something
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport
Tumor: More than One
Urine: Opposite of ‘you’re out’
Varicose: Nearby
Vein: Conceited
1 Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingie
6 Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
7 “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness”
8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
9 “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Hell, he’s got two of’em…
10 What do you mean “You want a divorce!?”
Self-Diagnosis
From GiggleMed, a Damon Wayans classic:
St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven when three men appeared, all of them doctors. Peter looked at the first one and asked, ”What have you done in your life to deserve admittance into heaven?””I was an oncologist—I helped many cancer patients and saved many lives,” the man answered.
”Very well,” said St. Peter. ”You may enter…”
Peter looked at the second man and asked, ”What have you done in your life to deserve admittance into heaven?”
”I was a clinical pediatrician—I helped many poor kids who could not afford private care,” said the second man.
”Very well,” said St. Peter. ”You may enter…”
Peter then turned to the third man and asked, ”And what have YOU done in your life to deserve admittance into heaven?”
”I was the director of a large HMO company in the United States,” the third man said proudly.
St. Peter paused and looked in his book for a few minutes. After a while, he looked up and said to the third man, ”Well, you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but you may only stay for three days….”
Wade Grindle MD
This website is just what the doctor ordered for what tickles your funnybone! Take two medical cartoons and call me in the morning…
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Scrubs Favorite Moments (Season 5)
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Surgeon vs OR Nurse
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Humpty Dumpty sat on the couch
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The Gunner Song
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You Might Be a Scrub Tech If…
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Doctor’s alphabet
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