Sign over a gynecologist’s office “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
Door to endoscopy: “To expedite your visit, please back in”
Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”
In a non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
On a maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
At an optometrist’s office: “If you can’t read this, you’ve come to the right place.”
In a podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait ”
A family practice doc, an internist, a surgeon, and a pathologist are out one day duck hunting. First up is the FP doc – he raises his gun to take aim at a flock of birds passing overhead and says to himself, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.” BANG! He bags himself a duck.
The internist then steps up, raises his gun to take aim at a second flock of birds flying overhead. He says to himself, “Looks, flies, and quacks like a duck, rule out quail, rule out pheasant, goose versus duck likely.” BANG! He, too, bags himself a duck.
A third flock of birds then flies overhead and the surgeon steps up and raises his gun at the flock. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! He fires multiple rounds at the flock and dead birds are dropping all around. The surgeon lowers his gun, walks over to one of the dead birds, picks it up, hands it to the pathologist and says, “Tell me if this is a duck.”
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They turn around to see a lady turning blue.
The first Texan rises, hitches up his jeans and walks over to the lady.
He asks, “Can you breathe?” She shakes her head no.
“Can you speak?” he asks. She again shakes her head no.
With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt and starts to lick her butt.
Shocked, the woman coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe.
The first Texan turns back to his friend and says, “Amazing how that there Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!”
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
“No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”
She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor came into the room.
“What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?”
After a pause, the doctor confesses, “Well, no. I guess I haven’t. Not with a carnation anyway.”
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and frowned. Being a little concerned, the doctor asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. “Breast-fed,” she replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, “No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma – but I’m glad I came.”
A Doctor was performing rounds at the
hospital one morning and while checking
up on a patient asked ”So how’s your
breakfast this morning?” ”It’s very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem
to get used to the taste.” Bob replied.
Aerobe: a garment worn around the house
Alimentary: what Sherlock Holmes said to Dr. Watson
Apparent: one who changes diapers
Carpal: someone you drive to work with
Castrate: the going price for setting a fracture
Chiropractor: An Egyptian doctor
Cystogram: A wire sent to your sister
Decapitate: to cancel a contract with an HMO
Denial: where Cleopatra used to swim
Duct: avoided being hit
Elixir: what a dog does to his owner when she gives him a bone
Emetic: Italian ambulance driver
Fibula: little white lie
Genotype: the kind of girl Geno likes
Hippocampus: where a hippopotamus gets a degree
Inbred: the best way to eat bologna
Innuendo: where an Italian gastroenterologist puts his proctoscope
Intubate: what a fisherman is
Isodense: what a med student says after taking the national boards
Orifice: a place of business
Paradox: two physicians
Platelet: a saucer
Pleural: more than one
Thorax: weapon of a Norse God
Tolerance: the result of ants on growth hormone
Vitamin: what you do when friends stop by to visit
2. Someone call the janitor! We’re going to need a mop!
3. We have to hurry, I have a flight to catch.
4. Hi, I’m Bill, are you the new surgeon?
5. That’s cool! Now can you make her leg twitch?
6. Boy, it wasn’t like this in the video!
7. Darn! There go the lights again…
8. Of course this is ethical!
9. You fool! You switched the arms and legs again!
10. Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
11. I can’t find my scalpel… oh well… could I have another one?
12. Good morning, Dr. Kevorkian.
Wade Grindle MD
This website is just what the doctor ordered for what tickles your funnybone! Take two medical cartoons and call me in the morning…