A woman asked the man seated next to her on the airplane what he did for a living.
“I’m a naval surgeon,” the man said.
“Tarnation!” the woman said. “How you doctors specialize these days!”
Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labor pain: Hurt at work
Morbid: Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheeper than day
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: Person fainted
Post op: Letter Carrier
Recovery Room: Place to upholster
Rectum: Dang near Killed Him
Secretion: Hiding something
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport
Tumor: More than One
Urine: Opposite of ‘you’re out’
“Air guitars are not allowed in my operating room. You’re going to have to do it in your head.” (From ORDailyQuotes)
An elderly man has just moved to a new town, when he gets sick and decides to see a doctor.
In the doctor’s waiting room, he tries to find out a bit about the doctor. He asks the man sitting next to him if the doctor is a specialist.
The man answers that the doctor specializes in ‘everything’.
The elderly man thinks about this and gets nervous. He asks the man if the doctor’s fees are expensive.
The man says: “Well, that depends, you see, he charges one thousand dollars cash for your first visit.”
The elderly man looks even more worried now and exclaims in amazement, “A thousand dollars?”
The man replies, “Yes, but all your visits after that for the rest of your life are free!”
While the elderly man is pondering this, he suddenly gets called by the nurse to go in to see the doctor.
On entering the doctor’s office he says casually . . .
. . . “Hello doctor, here I am again!”
The traditional visual analog scale (VAS) used to assess pain on a 1 – 10 score has always seemed inadequate to me. Micah Stubblefield has come up with a much better version here.
Retweet from ORDailyQuotes Microblog: Orthopedic surgeon looking at xrays of a fracture repair: ” Yogi, I think the ranger’s gonna like it.” Original here: http://twitter.com/ORDailyQuote
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
“The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career”.
1 Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingie
6 Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
7 “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness”
8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
9 “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Hell, he’s got two of’em…
10 What do you mean “You want a divorce!?”
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
‘Yes, Nurse Tracy ,’ said Mr. Wallace.
‘My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.’
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences .’
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. ‘Mr. Wallace,’ she said, ‘You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.’
‘But, Nurse Tracy I can’t,’ replied Mr. Wallace. ‘I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
‘Yes,’ said Nurse Tracy, ‘you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?’
‘Well,’ he replied …. ‘Today is the viewing.’
Wade Grindle MD
This website is just what the doctor ordered for what tickles your funnybone! Take two medical cartoons and call me in the morning…